Leadership is not Perfection

I recently had a meeting that I had prepared for in great detail. I had aligned with stakeholders ahead of time, refined my questions, and even carved out space to ground myself with breathwork. On paper, I was ready.

Yet when it mattered most, I stumbled. I got caught in my head, my words tangled, and I left the conversation feeling like I had lost clarity and presence.

In the moment, it felt like failure. But reflecting afterward, I realized something important.

James Kouzes and Barry Posner remind us in The Leadership Challenge that leadership is not about being flawless. It is about modeling the way, even when things go sideways. Owning our stumbles, recovering with humility, and demonstrating resilience often does more to build trust than executing perfectly.

Ryan Holiday, in Ego Is the Enemy, sharpens this point. Ego convinces us that one mistake defines us. It whispers that preparation should guarantee perfection. The truth is the opposite: ego turns small stumbles into heavy burdens. When we release it, mistakes become part of the process, not verdicts on our worth.

Here is what I learned from that meeting: preparation matters, but so does self-compassion. Instead of replaying the moment and criticizing myself for what I didn’t say, I practiced being gentle. I reminded myself that one imperfect moment does not erase the effort, the intention, or the larger path I am on.

Letting go of perfection is hard for leaders. We hold ourselves to high standards, often higher than anyone else does. But real growth comes when we choose kindness over criticism, forgiveness over self-judgment.

The leaders I admire most are not those who never falter. They are the ones who falter, own it, forgive themselves, and keep going with honesty. Their credibility wasn’t diminished, it was deepened.

Leadership is not about ego or perfection. It is about courage, humility, and the willingness to treat ourselves as generously as we treat others.